New Larely Sheriff Warns Jon Bon Jovi

Larely, CA – There’s a new sheriff in Larely, CA and he is here to make a few changes. Some musicians and athletes have been known for packing heat while touring. Sheriff NONAME says enough is enough and is putting his boot down. Some states such as Arizona allow carrying a loaded weapon in plain view and others allow loaded weapons if the person has the gun properly permitted and registered.


Artist, actor and musician Jon Bon Jovi has a concert scheduled for later this month promoting his Lost Highway Tour. The multiplatinum artist is known for famously carrying a loaded six string on his back and boasts regularly about being a cowboy, wanted: dead or alive. Sheriff NONAME plans to make an example of him.


Sheriff NONAME said at a press conference earlier this morning, “He might get away with them sort of shenanigans in a two horse town, but not in a one horse town like Larely. A man with his sort of influence over young people should learn to act better and maybe he won’t give love such a bad name. If he comes riding into Larely on a steel horse with a loaded six string on his back, I promise the fine citizens of Larely, I will draw first and draw first blood and I won’t be calling him Young Gun, not at his age.”


Jon Bon Jovi quickly rose to fame in the early 80’s after working on the dock and living with his girlfriend Gina who worked at a diner all day. After growing tired of this way of life and “living on a prayer”, as he was quoted, Jon picked up his loaded six string, hopped on his steel horse and has been wanted dead or alive ever since. After a series of high profile films that didn’t really showcase his hair, he returned to the studio with his band and went back to making music. But he constantly reminds his audience in public service announcements on classic radio stations that he is, in fact, a cowboy, wanted: dead or alive. He boasts about carrying a loaded six string and how the people he meets always go their separate ways.


This is what has the Larely sheriff upset. He says that Larely is a friendly town and the people who live here don’t go their separate ways, …unless you carry a loaded weapon.

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