New Larely Sheriff Warns Jon Bon Jovi

Larely, CA – There’s a new sheriff in Larely, CA and he is here to make a few changes. Some musicians and athletes have been known for packing heat while touring. Sheriff NONAME says enough is enough and is putting his boot down. Some states such as Arizona allow carrying a loaded weapon in plain view and others allow loaded weapons if the person has the gun properly permitted and registered.   Artist, actor and musician Jon Bon Jovi has a concert scheduled for later this month promoting his Lost Highway Tour. The multiplatinum artist is known for famously carrying...

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Michael Vick Agrees to $100 Million Endorsement Deal With Kleenex® Brand

Recently released from a federal prison in Leavenworth, Michael Vick hasn’t had any shortage of endorsement deals coming his way. His first choice, and subsequently his most lucrative, has come following his post prison interview with 60 Minutes. Kleenex® Brand Tissue has signed the three time Pro-Bowler to a 23 month 100 million dollar contract.   His contract states simply that he must have a box of Kleenex® Tissues next to him during every teary eyed interview, something the company feels confident he can do. CEO and Chairman Mark A. Buthman stated that he caught the episode of 60 Minutes...

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Kmart sues Rain Man for slander.

Kmart, a subsidiary of the Sears Holding Corporation, has filed a lawsuit against Raymond “Rain Man” Babbitt. The company claims that after the 1988 documentary “Rain Man”, in which the film portrayed Babbitt as a flashy dresser, a womanizer and a degenerate gambler, the company’s stock and sales headed into a downward spiral resulting in loss of revenue, continually poor stock performance and the closure of many of its retail stores and its eventual takeover by Sears Holding Corporation.   A Kmart employee, who wished to remain anonymous, said, “Sebastian S. Kresge would have rolled over in his grave if...

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Madoff Ponzi Scheme Cripples Government Agent

It seems the Bernie Madoff Ponzi Scheme has affected everyone from old money to high profile athletes and all the way to large financial groups. We may never know the exact dollar amount of the damage but what no one in the financial world had expected was the impact it would have on elite covert government agents. The Larely Beagle caught up with one such agent and discovered just how financially devastating the Ponzi scheme has been.   In the mid seventies, astronaut Steve Austin was involved in a horrific crash of a Northrop M2-F2. Austin was severely injured in...

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Kevin Costner to release long awaited sequel to Dances with Wolves

Academy Award winning director and movie star Kevin Costner feels like he needs to pay more homage to the American West by being more specific. His next film will go more into depth and be titled, "Square Dances with Non-Domestic Canines". He also feels the three hour long epic wasn’t long enough to accurately depict life on the prairie so he plans to make the sequel even longer to truthfully tell the story. Always looking for ways to increase the profit margin, Costner plans on having an affordable “restroom break surcharge”.   The Academy Award winning actor/director, not known for...

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